Moving, Meeting others, and Orienting

Moving    Anticipating the move to Chicago was the most difficult aspect of the actual transition.  Similar to starting school or meeting my freshman roommate for the first time or moving to a new city for an abroad program, this recent transition was a simultaneous occurrence of all.  I felt stressed about the prospect of dividing my things into "to go" and "store" piles.  I felt stressed about the notion of packing it all up, loading the car, driving...driving...driving (I hate car trips!), and unpacking.  I felt stressed about meeting 14 other people who I knew little to nothing about--save facebook stalking.  Most significantly, I felt sad, worried, and anxious to leave my friends, family, and roommates behind.
    But like many major transitions in my life, the anticipation--with all of its "what ifs"--was far worse than the move itself.  My family was able to spend a couple of nights in the city allowing me to acclimate before being abandoned on the doorstep of my new home.  If I was to be left without most of my major supporting figures, at least I should know where a few good restaurants were.  My goodbyes were tearful.  I cried when I shared my last kisses.  I cried when I shared my last sleepover with Julianna.  I cried when I shared my last breakfast...also with Mama J.  I think important to those acts, is that they moistened my face not as lasts (I fully intend to kiss/sleepover/eat with the same people), but that I dreaded the length of time I would endure before I was able to again share them.  Relationships with others are vital to my well-being and being without them...would not be well.

Meeting Others
    Fortunately, very fortunately, my roommate is lovely and kind and open.  My housemates are funny and adventurous and agreeable.  My program participants are unassuming and intelligent and well-intentioned.  I am surrounded again by a supportive group that desires not only to cohabit, but also to honestly and actively create a household and community that functions fluidly.  I suppose I needn't have worried so much as that was a main component of the avodah program.  As a security, I anticipate the worst so that I can be delighted when the best occurs.  I have been delighted.

Orienting
    This week was spent in orientation.  I have communicated so many of my desires, practices, goals, experiences, habits, and beliefs that I now feel as a sum of my disclosed parts.  I am, in short, a tzedek oriented, justice achieving, workshop facilitator who sleeps lightly, does not smoke, and eats primarily vegetarian while believing vaguely in the intentions of rabbinical law (or suggestions).  For the extensive intentional conversations the groups has engaged in, I was still a two dimensional component.  Last night during our oneg, we initiated our first unstructured divulge...or purging of personal information.  I now know whose favorite country is Italy, who has thrown up from drinking too much, and most importantly who owns a vibrator.  We are developing intimacy and friendships and I look forward to learning the insignificant details of everyone that usually end up shaping our personalities so sharply. 
    I am exhausted from the constant barrage of information.  We have been alternately listening and talking about everything that might be relevant in the upcoming week.  I met my supervisor (she's fantastic).  I figured out how kosher we want to keep our communal kitchen (not very).  I learned about racial justice (it's appallingly bad in Chicago).  It's been important, but tiring.  This entire process has been important but tiring and I anticipate the upcoming year will be exactly the same.

    I am excited for what's to come and I am relieved that the largest of my transitions this year is over.  I couldn't have asked for a better community to come into, and I am relieved that my negative expectations have not been realized.  I miss Minneapolis and the people I love there, but I have no regrets of my decision to explore my independence further this year.